10. The time share pitchers promising a 'free' bottle of tequila for a little of your time. The tequila is
distilled pool water.
9. The hotel gift shop. $35USD for sunscreen; also made of pool water
8. Trying to light on fire a giant thatched roof building at 3am when you are totally wasted. Just
because you are a privileged little American spring breaker and your mommy and daddy paid for
your trip and your girlfriends tits doesn't give you the right to burn down the place. Party Foul!
7. Going out too far in the ocean. Excessive alcohol, strong undertow, and very lazy Mexican
lifeguards make for a deadly combination.
6. Losing the towels from your room at the pool or beach. Another $50 extortion tactic employed by
the hotel.
5. Having expectations of consistent service at the resort. Staff ranges from friendly to felonious:
Prepare for extortion with a smile...
4. The shallow end of the mile long pool. Seems to be the highest concentration of pool scum. Not
normal pool scum here, this is post spring break pool pollution, , 33% urine, 15% butt urine
(liquid buffet poop), 14% alcohol (spilled drinks are the replacement for real chlorine), 12% skin
flakes and scabs, 9% toe nails, 8% sun-curdled semen, and the rest is too gross to even mention
3. The main buffet. Bill and Wendy from told me that on day 2. Same formula as pool scum
2. Montezuma. I don't know what this Demi-god of Demi-formed shit has against us tourists, but he
is hell bent on revenge and he will hunt you until he has gotten it. Brushing your teeth with tap
water is almost second nature; Montezuma knows this weakness and he lurks in every tap waiting
calmly, and like I said: He will get you!
1. Sobriety
distilled pool water.
9. The hotel gift shop. $35USD for sunscreen; also made of pool water
8. Trying to light on fire a giant thatched roof building at 3am when you are totally wasted. Just
because you are a privileged little American spring breaker and your mommy and daddy paid for
your trip and your girlfriends tits doesn't give you the right to burn down the place. Party Foul!
7. Going out too far in the ocean. Excessive alcohol, strong undertow, and very lazy Mexican
lifeguards make for a deadly combination.
6. Losing the towels from your room at the pool or beach. Another $50 extortion tactic employed by
the hotel.
5. Having expectations of consistent service at the resort. Staff ranges from friendly to felonious:
Prepare for extortion with a smile...
4. The shallow end of the mile long pool. Seems to be the highest concentration of pool scum. Not
normal pool scum here, this is post spring break pool pollution, , 33% urine, 15% butt urine
(liquid buffet poop), 14% alcohol (spilled drinks are the replacement for real chlorine), 12% skin
flakes and scabs, 9% toe nails, 8% sun-curdled semen, and the rest is too gross to even mention
3. The main buffet. Bill and Wendy from told me that on day 2. Same formula as pool scum
2. Montezuma. I don't know what this Demi-god of Demi-formed shit has against us tourists, but he
is hell bent on revenge and he will hunt you until he has gotten it. Brushing your teeth with tap
water is almost second nature; Montezuma knows this weakness and he lurks in every tap waiting
calmly, and like I said: He will get you!
1. Sobriety
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